tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post8529235433754662997..comments2024-01-21T15:26:38.172+07:00Comments on Thai Girl: Two Men Went to Mow!A True Friend to Chinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10953073219104650895noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-43363584943278949262009-10-04T22:44:31.872+07:002009-10-04T22:44:31.872+07:00I am living in thailand as an exchange student. I ...I am living in thailand as an exchange student. I am 25. Literally everyone i have met is extremely nice and does not try to take advantage.I feel sorry because you have relations with the only ad family in thailand.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-65431950926640361232009-08-14T17:31:06.553+07:002009-08-14T17:31:06.553+07:00Hi AndrewHi AndrewAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-87810607014560720452009-08-10T09:15:43.302+07:002009-08-10T09:15:43.302+07:00Hello - JA sent me this link - I also live in a ri...Hello - JA sent me this link - I also live in a rice farming village but in the north and my family is a pleasure. Even after 5 yrs. - <br /><br />Sounds to me that your issue is quite typical. You are a white sq on a solid red checkerboard. They are ok with you. Sure they don't quite understand why you want to mow a lawn when you could be drinking with them - so, ok, you are weird.<br /><br /> And for you it might get a bit annoying that you will accept them but you also want them to be just a little white too. If you want to make them conscientious & responsible, well, if they could discuss English lit that might be nice too - however, neither will happen & you can bang your head agst the wall or not. Up to you.<br /><br />I agree w/Stephen, it is too real to be funny - You want funny fictionalize it some & take out the despair.ken kleinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-82803061810617616432009-08-07T17:34:38.531+07:002009-08-07T17:34:38.531+07:00Hi Thai Girl,
I have been living with my Vietnames...Hi Thai Girl,<br />I have been living with my Vietnamese wife and her parents in Cu Chi, Vietnam for some time now, 35Km from HCMC (SaiGon). Most people here are farmers, most of them 'Buddhists'. My wife's family is poor.<br /><br />I have similar experiences with work done by family members. They can't do exactly what you want, even without drinking. (luckily they have some control over their love for alcohol)<br /><br />I think your wish to have a lawn does not fit in their perspective. Either you do it or you don't. Just don't let them touch the mower.<br /><br />I am impressed by your perseverence and your ability to answer critisism.<br /><br />Sorry but I got to go to work for 2 hours now.Keetlanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-1172263396533078892009-08-04T21:44:02.627+07:002009-08-04T21:44:02.627+07:00Hi Andrew,
Can't help with sorting out the al...Hi Andrew,<br /><br />Can't help with sorting out the alcoholic brother-in-law, although if mine ever got sent to prison, my wife would kill me if I paid to get him out!<br /><br />However, for technical communication you need this book: "The Oxford-Duden Pictorial English and Thai Dictionary". Even if you don't know the English word, you can look at the pictures in the relevant section, e.g. "Kitchen Utensils and Appliances", "Roof and Boiler Room", and find the Thai word. It cost me THB650 a few years ago and must have saved me ten times that in both money and frustration.<br /><br />ISBN 974-8900-75-4MBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07076965137088480201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-46907213238979427402009-08-03T19:09:02.153+07:002009-08-03T19:09:02.153+07:00Ben... in "My Thai Girl and I" there'...Ben... in "My Thai Girl and I" there's a chapter called, 'Is it a farm or a garden?' I readily accept that it's more a farm than a garden otherwise I'd call you in immediately!<br /><br />And Tom, my Thai is really quite good but I get a bit lost in the language of satellite internet, electrics, plumbing and medical matters and it's at these times I fall back on Cat... who incidentally has all but finished a degree in Political Science.<br /><br />Apart from travel in the region, Cat's been to Sweden,twice traveled round France and has seen much of England and Wales on five visits.<br /><br />And as for being respected,it's not really something I'd even think about. I hope I'm liked though which is a little different.<br /><br />On the other hand, I do respect the people around me which I think is a pre-requisite to living in a foreign culture, but I also think there's a sure way to be actively disliked, which farang sometimes do manage to achieve.<br /><br />That's to be overbearing and to tell the Thais they have contact with that it must be done precisely their way... and thus to fail sufficiently 'to go with the flow'. <br /><br />My neighbours are proud people and rightly so, and causing loss of face in this way is not a forgivable offence.<br /><br />You therefore have to internalise any consequential frustration which is perhaps why expats need to grumble to each other or even to write books and blogs!<br /><br />And Mike, thanks for your thoughts. I think you sum up the expat's predicament on returning home very nicely indeed.<br /><br />Andrew HicksA True Friend to Chinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10953073219104650895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-14927902045027852502009-08-03T13:14:24.258+07:002009-08-03T13:14:24.258+07:00Hi Andrew,
Perhaps some commentators have focusse...Hi Andrew,<br /><br />Perhaps some commentators have focussed on a few issues, instead of the big picture. My father-in-law takes excellent care of my house, garden and dogs when we are away; he always asks my wife if he has done anything wrong. <br /><br />He also lets bolts fall out and become lost, and leaves garden tools acattered around the garden - this is a deeply ingrained Isaan trait. But on the whole, to recover and occasionally replace tools, and to keep a stock of spare bolts in various sizes, is a small price to pay for his loving care. <br /><br />As you stated, you had just returned from Europe - so I quite understand your need to vent a little as part of your re-adjustment - I always go through a couple of fraught days too!<br /><br />Cheers,<br />Mike C.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09332158640677601545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-21793681536252047772009-08-03T12:36:01.769+07:002009-08-03T12:36:01.769+07:00I think that
1st of all you should learn enough Th...I think that<br />1st of all you should learn enough Thai to be able to communicate on your own<br />2d Respect is earned not demanded.<br />3rd If after a few years in Thailand your "business manager, translator and general do-it-all" is a relatively poorly educated, untraveled person you are in deep doo-dootomhttp://www.isaaan-life.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-5769401469022463502009-08-01T21:34:13.641+07:002009-08-01T21:34:13.641+07:00Hey Andrew, nice comeback to some negative remarks...Hey Andrew, nice comeback to some negative remarks. Next time hire some landscaping professionals: http://www.thaigardendesign.com <br /><br />You can crack the whip as you like, we will take it (we take a portion of the money up front :P)<br /><br />(sorry couldn't resist a plug)<br /><br />Love the book<br /><br />BenBen Shingletonhttp://www.thaigardendesign.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-9263123938206709192009-08-01T11:34:54.863+07:002009-08-01T11:34:54.863+07:00Thanks again for your further thoughts.
What I wa...Thanks again for your further thoughts.<br /><br />What I was writing about was one incident with one family member, a brother-in-law who I really like when he's sober but who has a real problem with alcoholism. Accordingly his behaviour is erratic but you cannot extraolate that to other members of the family who in my book have aways behaved impeccably. Okay, they're not good with machines or modern accoutrements but that's just the way it goes.<br /><br />Saniam has a Downs Syndrome child and really does need help.<br /><br />My way is to try to give him some work, but it isn't always easy. Nevertheless, since the incidents I described he has been working doggedly in the vegetable garden and as this is not my scene, he can get on with it without any intervetion from me. <br /><br />He's also been very good attending Mama overnight while she's so sick. (He's at the hospital with her now.)<br /><br />As for Cat being an intermediary for me, well of course she is... and in everything I try to do here. My Thai is not too bad but I soon get lost without her. But I have to hold back or I'd drive her mad.<br /><br />When we two men went to mow, had I called Cat every time I needed her she would have come out to instruct Saniam every five minutes. She has had to tolerate an alcoholic brother for twenty years, and nice though he is, that's pretty trying for her. My patience with him should be greater than hers.<br /><br />Of course it's frustrating negotiating life in an Isaan village sometimes but it's bound to be that way when my upbringing and expectations are so very different. Laying down the law and setting 'rules' for people here doesn't work and I dont entirely blame them. If you get on top of them casual workers, they just don't come back.<br /><br />I know a number of expats who tell me you have to 'be strong' and not let their Thai family get away with things... you must tell them like it is. True to a degree, but those who take it too far are strongly disliked (though everyone smiles) and they wonder why nobody will come and do work for them.<br /><br />Basically you cannot single handed change the local culture. Certainly here are a few battles you have to fight (cleanliness, hygiene etc) but otherwise, as I say in the book, much of the time you just have to go with the flow. <br /><br />As one of you said, this isn't the West and those expats who try to make it such have a pretty hard time. They generally are the unhappy ones, not me. <br /><br />Nonetheless, each of us have to play their cards as they find them and I do not dismiss any of the interesting advice you have given me.<br /><br />Thanks so much for reading and for commenting.<br /><br />Andrew HicksA True Friend to Chinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10953073219104650895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-87394499415618515312009-07-30T20:12:36.116+07:002009-07-30T20:12:36.116+07:00Yes I do have the balls to stand up to rude and di...Yes I do have the balls to stand up to rude and disrespectful behaviour, especially from family members. <br /><br />Having read your books as well as your blog for more than a year and reading the same complaints manifest themselves in so many of your words over and over again one does wonder why you tolerate it, but with the attitude from your response I guess you have got the life you chose to live with.Lloydnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-63763220153758077832009-07-30T10:10:38.608+07:002009-07-30T10:10:38.608+07:00Andrew, Thank you for your blog and the effort to ...Andrew, Thank you for your blog and the effort to produce it. <br /><br />You should approach the resolution of this type of problem in a Thai way, not evident in your text or the comments offered, and not directly. Cat should be the "go between" to produce the results you want and be allowed to do it in her way and time. It will work if she must use her influence in the family as your wife to change family behaviors. Tell her what you want, and let her figure out how. <br />It usually works -- some other suggestions reflect a lack of understanding or typical Western approaches. <br />Also you are just back and adjusting - again. <br />RatzingerAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-84129690286994353512009-07-30T03:57:37.820+07:002009-07-30T03:57:37.820+07:00I forgot to include in my comment that I really en...I forgot to include in my comment that I really enjoy your blog. Thanks for the time you take to write it.Dagnabbithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14580417567748426644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-81648873792566816762009-07-30T03:44:58.183+07:002009-07-30T03:44:58.183+07:00Some pretty fierce comments there. I do agree abou...Some pretty fierce comments there. I do agree about the respect issue. I know there is a huge cultural divide, but that cannot explain why they are so indifferent to your wishes. I suggest that you find someone in the village that will work for you, and do things as you want them done, and hire them. (maybe this is not even possible, but surely there is someone that understands the concept) When the relatives complain, explain the situation to them and why you did what they did. Then you have the option of rehiring them under a different set of rules. In other words, when you are the boss, it's your way or the highway.Dagnabbithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14580417567748426644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-35432205004023461712009-07-29T15:30:38.073+07:002009-07-29T15:30:38.073+07:00Your wife and family have no respect for you and n...Your wife and family have no respect for you and not care about you. if they have respect they no go drunk to your home and not let other family go drunk make family look bad. You not jai Dee you stupid farang they take from and not care about you.Buakhamnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-6553009304842652632009-07-28T18:08:46.909+07:002009-07-28T18:08:46.909+07:00Thanks folks!
I didn't think you'd take i...Thanks folks!<br /><br />I didn't think you'd take it so seriously...what I planned was a funny story about working with an alcoholic brother-in-law, plus a few insights into the frustrations of living in a machine wrecking culture.<br /><br />Lloyd, I guess you've got balls then, have you? So I suppose in future I'd better kick ass too, though the only trouble is I have to live here. If it gets around that I'm not jai dee, then I'm finished.<br /><br />As for a mia noi or two. Mightn't this multiply the hole you think I'm already in? <br /><br />As for finding a way to deal with all this, I guess I already have. My way is to write a book about it and to grumble to my blog!<br /><br />AndrewA True Friend to Chinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10953073219104650895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-66185411856093824702009-07-28T12:01:34.939+07:002009-07-28T12:01:34.939+07:00I agree with Lloyd, Andrew. It would be a very fun...I agree with Lloyd, Andrew. It would be a very funny story if it was a work of fiction, but as an accurate reflection of your life I found it very, very sad. You have to ask yourself why they feel that they can get away with treating you and your possessions like this. Considering all you do for them you deserve a lot better. It is only with my tongue slightly in my cheek that I suggest it's time to consider a mia noy! ;-)Stephen Leatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08179238880325952527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-81580826086052318002009-07-25T22:19:36.900+07:002009-07-25T22:19:36.900+07:00I stopped smiling a quarter of the way down.
So ...I stopped smiling a quarter of the way down. <br /><br />So forgive me if you've come to some sort of amazingly cute resolution before I bailed.<br /><br />You are not in middle America. <br /><br />Or in the uber UK.<br /><br />(neither are what they used to be)<br /><br />You are deep in a country where your world does not exist.<br /><br />You can either be charmed by it. <br /><br />Or you can find other ways to deal.Catherinehttp://womenlearnthai.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-54080777434359421232009-07-25T12:55:03.724+07:002009-07-25T12:55:03.724+07:00If you are not being treated as you wish and that ...If you are not being treated as you wish and that if you feel you are not "calling the shots" then it is your own fault. <br /><br />I am lucky in that my wifes family have been great and always done what is expected, but I pay them well for the work they do and let it be known exactly what I want done. If my wifes family ask to borrow money I do not expect them to work for free to pay it off, if I need something done they work as normal, get paid and then pay back what they can, simple.<br /><br />"A man's home is his castle", act like a king and have the balls to make it clear to your wife and her family that you are not happy with the status quo (not that crappy English band either). They have taken advantage of you and your generousity for too long, I doubt it will take long for you to find others to do the work you require and exactly as you wish, especially given the current financial climate.Lloydnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5435902129678181031.post-17388086577865814692009-07-24T21:00:52.023+07:002009-07-24T21:00:52.023+07:00You are welcome to come and mow our lawn again wit...You are welcome to come and mow our lawn again with a very nice Honda lawn mower, serviced last summer by the team at Hillers! The hedge bank is remaining weed free (with a bit of top up picking). A.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com