Sunday, 18 March 2007
My New 'No Poke' Policy
After feeling a bit guilty for poking fun at the Thais about their linguistic boo-boos, even if I don't have a clear 'no-poke' policy, at least I've evened things up a bit by admitting that we Brits have some silly signs too. Well not everywhere... these two are from up north.
So how about the two northern signs then? Well, I ask you! How coy are we to put the entrance for the family planning clinic at the back of the building in case people are too shy to be seen going in the front. Utterly ridiculous in the twenty first century! Jolly funny really! It's a bit like the old fashioned barber saying, 'Something for the weekend sir?' Why can't we be more open and simply say 'c*nd*m' without embarassment.
And Penrith! I was there last year after scaling Helvellyn by way of Striding Edge in a force ten gale, picking my way over the corpses of the fallen and clinging to vertical rock faces. Up there on the mountain, maybe yes, the consequences of extreme turbulence that are referred to on the station sign could have occurred... but on the edge of the platform!! Ridiculous!! The trains just don't go fast enough. I guess it could happen in France, know what I mean, but not in Cumberland! Too many sheep!
Having now made merit by balancing the scores a bit, I'm now going to spoil it all by mentioning the menu in Koh Chang that offered 'fried vegetarian'. In a Buddhist country too! And I'd totally forgotten the 'rather burnt land slug', the 'fresh thousand year old eggs' and the 'general chaos chicken' from where in Thailand I can't remember.
In Bangkok I'd recommend a place that advertises itself as, 'The shadiest bar in town', and the dry cleaners with the slogan, 'Drop your trousers here for the best results'. But as a lapsed lawyer, I particularly appreciate the notice at the hotel reception saying, 'Please do not bring solicitors into your room'.
Finally back on the PC, anti-ageism/sexism/racism theme, I loved the classified ad that the Tongsai Bay Resort put in the Bangkok press. They wanted to recruit a 'beach boy'. First of all he had to be male and not much more than a boy at 23 to 30. Okay so far. He had to be Thai, fair enough, but on top of that he had to have a Bachelor's degree. Isn't that some sort of discrimination? I guess at hotel reception they'd need at least a PhD. You can get them printed up in Khao San Road.
Sorry, didn't I half promise 'no poke'?